Courtenay Evans, “This Must Be the Place”

Someone once said to me, wouldn’t it be terrible if we had a loudspeaker attached to our brains, and as soon as we walked out the door, our thoughts were projected out into the world- to our neighbors, our colleagues, our friends, even those we hold most dear. Every thought projected for the entire world to hear. Can you imagine? I know for myself; I would be completely mortified! Brene Brown, researcher, social worker and writer wrote: “we crave to be fully known, yet we fear being known.”  This is so true, isn’t it? Yet why is this?

In our Genesis reading today, the word “place” is repeated 6 times in this short passage. As a background for this text, Jacob is currently on the run. Jacob, now estranged from his family, is fleeing from his eldest brother, Esau, fearing Esau will kill him. Why? Jacob has done the unthinkable. Scheming with his mother, Rebekah, Jacob tricked his dying, blind father, Isaac, into believing he was Esau. As is customary to ancient tradition, the eldest son is blessed by the dying father to both continue family leadership and to inherit most of the family wealth. Due to the plotting, Isaac believes he is blessing Esau, his eldest, when in reality the blessing lands on Jacob. A Mockingbird’s guide to Genesis, gives us a modern day example of how cruel Jacob (and Rebekah’s) actions are:  “Your mother and brother draft a new will giving him most of the estate, and as your father lies helpless on his hospital bed, they trick him into signing it. It is an unthinkable betrayal of a husband and father, an exploitation of a blind man, and a defrauding of a brother of his rightful share of the estate etc.” No wonder, Jacob is fleeing. Jacob has lost all sense of “place” as he is on the run. On the run from Esau; and on the run from the malice he has just committed. 

Maya Angelou famously said: “I long, as does every human being, to be at home wherever I find myself.” When I think of home, I often think of a place: a physical location.  When I go to X place, I feel like I am going home.  Or, X place is my home away from home. In these instances, we are describing comforting physical places, yet at the core, we are really describing the deep universal human need for belonging. We feel at home because we feel as though we belong most in these places. We crave to be fully known, yet we fear being known. We, like Jacob, are constantly on the run, running from ourselves, running from the places in our lives where we feel the most shame; trying to find our sense of place in this life; trying to find our sense belonging in this world. 

Yet as Jacob flees, he came to a certain place, and he stayed there for the night. And it is in this place, that Jacob receives his first vision of God. It is in this place of fear and shame where God meets Jacob. In Jacob’s dream, a ladder extends from earth to heaven with angels ascending and descending,  representing that the transcendent, heavenly God will be with the peoples of the earth; and especially with Jacob and Jacob’s descendants. God says that he is with Jacob and will be with Jacob every place he goes. Jacob cannot flee from God’s presence. God will trace all of Jacob’s journeys and resting places. Jacob is fully known by God and in this place, Jacob receives His enormous grace and mercy. Jacob received his father, Isaac’s  blessing through treachery, manipulation and cold ambition, yet we learn that even acts such as these are not outside the scope of God’s love and forgiveness.

All of us, for the most part, can relate to Jacob in some way: We may find ourselves fleeing from the things we have done in our lives; not able to view ourselves with compassion but rather with repulsion and shame. We might be fleeing from difficult relationships in our lives because we feel unworthy and small in the site of others. Maybe we are running from uncomfortable emotions that arise because these emotions are too uncomfortable for us to bear. We might ask the question as writer Henri Nouwen does: “if others could see me and know my innermost self, would they still love me?” We are  always searching  for a sense place; for a sense of belonging; constantly fearing that if people know us fully, we will be an outcast; we will not be loved.  

Yet, we learn from Jacob that in all our shame and hurts, we, too, are also within the scope of God’s mercy and love. All of us have a place, a home, with God. I like to think of a mosaic tile: The tile is a multitude of color: golds, oranges, yellows, reds and pink. And within this same mosaic, we also see colors of darkness; shades of black and gray. And it is the combination of all these colors which make the mosaic so beautiful; the integration of the light and the dark; like the interplay of our human experience that is unavoidable; the joys and mourning’s; the peace and the anxiety; the courage and the fear; the competitiveness and the humility; the quietness and the fieriness, the justice and the anger. To know that within these great complexities of who we are, God finds great beauty, embracing all.  It is exactly in all these places where God has provided a place, a home. The psalmist says:  If I say, surely the darkness will cover me, and the light around me turn to night, darkness is not dark to you; the night is as bright as day; darkness and light to you are both alike. Even the darkness and the shame is light in God’s eyes.

God sensing our deep need for a sense of place and belonging sent Jesus Christ, His only son, to live and die among us. Jesus came into this world in a lowly place, born in a manger, an animal trough, because there was no place for him at the inn. Jesus began his life in a place of humility and discomfort not in a place one might call the comfort of home. Jesus then spent his entire ministry healing those who felt as though they did not belong; those who did not have a place in this world according to societal norms: the lepers, the tax collectors, the poor, the sick, the non-righteous. He loved them all; he healed them. No being was outside the bounds of His enormous love. Everyone had a place. Born in a trough, and died in another uncomfortable or rather, excruciating place: The Cross, a place of deep, deep, humiliation and shame; mocked and an outcast; crucified. Jesus not only understood our shame, hurts, harms, and unworthiness,  he took on all of our burdens for us by stretching his arms on the cross and touching the entire world with his mercy, love and forgiveness. Because of Jesus, we do not need to be on the run anymore; we can stop; because Jesus meets us with love and acceptance in every place; no matter what. Because of Jesus, we are at home wherever we are. 

I will close with a brief story. Our newly formed garden guild hosts a Thursday produce stand at The Garage: We are giving away produce grown both in the Magruder House Garden and out at Graves Mill Farm in Madison. In an effort to spread the word on Thursday, I walked over to the park to tell our community members about our stand. In so doing, I ran into a man working at Holy Comforter Catholic Church who I had never met before. While explaining to him our free produce stand, a lady walked over to us in tears. The lady was pregnant and she was not feeling well. In fact, she had not been feeling well her entire pregnancy. She was scared and tired. She asked if we worked at a church. I said yes, I work at Christ Church, and he said yes, I work at Holy Comforter. And then she asked for prayer. I prayed. After the prayer, the man from Holy Comforter pulled out a necklace of mother Mary from his pocket. Mary is very significant in the Catholic tradition, and he explained that Mary bore Jesus, and that Mary went through deep struggle too, to bear her child.  She asked if he could place the necklace on her and he said of course, and we both reminded her that Jesus is always with Her no matter what, and for this necklace to be a reminder of the enormous love that Jesus has for her.  Here we were, three strangers, no doubt all on the run for something, all craving to be fully known and loved, but fearing being fully known. Why? Because we are all desperate to find a sense of place and belonging in this world. We are desperate to be loved. Yet, the three of us from different socioeconomic backgrounds, from different denominations, with different past histories and experiences, experienced God in that place. In the park, in vulnerability and weakness, God bound us together in the love of Christ with his Grace and His Mercy. “To be at home wherever we find ourselves,” will be a constant journey, but may we trust that God is directing our steps and drawing our weary hearts closer and closer to Him. And may we find the peace of God which transcends all understanding, knowing that within God’s eyes, we are always, and already home in every place we find ourselves. Amen.