Marilu Thomas, “The Morning Star”

Walking down our long driveway this past week, I noticed twinkling lights in the forest. As I got closer, I realized these were the tiny solar lights we bought for our rained-out 2020 Christ Church Christmas. They had been dead for more than two years, but sprung to life just in time for me. I needed twinkle lights in the dark forest of my heart, both literally and figuratively. It corresponds to our church calendar- today is the 6th and last Sunday of Epiphany, the light in the seasonal darkness. Ash Wednesday starts the season of Lent this week, which is the opposite, dark as the light increases. 

When I was a child, I was intensely afraid of the dark and all things that I imagined lived there. I had an elaborate way to cling onto window ledges and door frames from my bed to the bathroom, being very careful to avoid the monster under the bed, waiting to grab my ankles in its iron grip and the thing that lived in the closet. When our daughters were little, we made a bottle labeled, “Monster Spray.” They could empty the bottle in 10 minutes.

In the show Frasier, Kelsey Grammar plays a psychiatrist with a call-in help show. In one episode, his friend Roz calls in to say she’s afraid of the dark. 

Frasier asks, “What is it about the dark that frightens you?”

R: I don’t really know?

F: Ok- Let’s explore. Often a fear of darkness is a fear of the unknown. It is in darkness when our imaginations give shape to our deepest anxieties. What image comes to mind for you? 

R: Nothing—actually. When everything disappears, there’s nothing. Just emptiness.

F: I see. What is it about the emptiness that frightens you?

R: It’s lonely.

Often, we use our adult-sized Monster Spray to deal with the loneliness, emptiness or unknowns of the dark. I have a sober friend who says she’s been afraid she’ll drink if three things happen to her: the death of a loved one, her own illness or the break-up of her marriage. She has seen the monsters under her bed. What do they look like for you? What keeps you up at night? Finances? Feeling unloved or unloveable? Fear of making a mistake? Fear of failure or loss of face? Illness or death? It’s painful to face what scares us. Very few of us can do it unaided, and even those who can stare at the monsters of the dark don’t know what to do with the pain they cause.

The darkness can come upon us without warning or our participation. We are all acquainted with trouble, heartache, depression or grief and can feel our friends are tired of hearing about our darkness. 

We also do things in the dark because we’re sure if our people found out, they would not love us anymore. Your ways of making yourself feel better may have gotten a little out of hand—the cake in the night, a bottle in the backyard, some online gambling or sex, excessive shopping, a little something to take the edge off or relieve the jitters. You just need to get control--- again. We are created to be dependent on something to take away our pain—but substances and people cannot do the job. They are mirages of the real thing. We are designed to belong, trust and be dependent on Christ, not untrustworthy people or things. 

Robert Capon wrote that there is a ‘dark center’ to the Gospel, “the horrendous truth that we are saved by our deaths—not our efforts to lead a good life…to be raised up into the new creation, we don’t need to be good, holy, smart, accountable, or even faithful, we need only to be ‘dead.’” Your need to get control again is evidence that you have no control over your pain or your incessant need to alleviate it. Your power over your interior life is dead—not just today but since your birth. The heart is the seat of the human will that wants control of your world. As AA says, “[Are we] not the victim[s] of the delusion that [we] can wrest satisfaction and happiness out of this world if [we] only manage well?” A delusion is holding a false belief about external reality that is held despite incontrovertible evidence to the contrary. St. Peter tells us he has evidence to incontrovertible the contrary.

Peter wrote to the exiles in need the Word to continue in the faith. In his first letter he wrote, “Because Jesus was raised from the dead, we’ve been given a brand-new life and have everything to live for—including a future in heaven and the future starts now. God is keeping careful watch over us and the future…your old sinful life has been wiped off the books.” The very thing you’re trying to hide in the dark or run away from has been wiped off the books already. You are like the Japanese soldiers occupying Pacific Islands decades after WWII was over. They didn’t believe the flag of surrender!

In his second letter from our reading today, Peter testifies personally that God gives us relief from the pain and directionlessness of having no control over our lives. The scripture reads, “You will do well to be attentive to this as a lamp shining in a dark place until the day dawns and the morning star rises in your hearts.” The ‘this’ we are to be attentive to is the glory of God in Christ, confirmed by the disciples at the Transfiguration heard in the gospel today. Peter verifies the truth of Jesus’ power by testifying that, ‘This not just another fable about a Roman or Greek god—I heard God’s voice myself telling us Jesus is the Glory of God.’ Glory is translated as light—the light emanating from God, found in the moon, sun, and stars, that reveals God’s power over all. Jesus is described as the lamp carrying the light of God into the dark, unhealthy, painful places we go in order to save us. Jesus is the light in the dark forest of your heart when you need him. Peter tells us Jesus is the Morning Start, coming to us in the midst of the dark to signal that the dawn is arising. 

Back to Frasier, Roz and her fear of the dark. How did that episode end?

F: Have you always felt this way?

R: For a while I didn’t.

F: What was different then?

R: I had somebody. A guy I really liked. And then we broke up. (Cries) God Fraiser, I miss him so much. I don’t know how I fell in love again.! I swore I wouldn’t! I knew better! I should have known better! And then sure enough- six months in he tells me there’s no fireworks. And what am I supposed to say?

F: I’m so sorry. But listen to me—you can’t blame yourself for letting someone into your heart. Love is always a risk, but you have to take it. The pain you’re feeling now will pass in time and you’ll find yourself ready to take the risk again. Until then-take comfort in your friends. They want to help you—they love you. (Frasier gets up and hugs Roz) The law of the ‘shoulds’ met with the love of grace. 

And my sober friend? All three of her fears happened but she didn’t drink. The love of Christ found her between the dark night and the dawn. “Men and women are moved by the Holy Spirit of Christ.” (V. 21)

Love is a risk but Jesus outrisked you by giving up his life to the darkness to rise as the Light of Glory. He literally went through Hell for you. The law, voiced by some of the people in your life, tells you that, because of your dark places, dark moods and deeds done in the dark, you are unforgiveable and unloveable. If you look around in the dark, Jesus will be there with nothing but forgiveness for you. He is not afraid of your darkness because He is the light. Christ is described by Peter as the Morning Star—which is only used here and in Revelation 21:21. The Morning Star is seen between the dark and the day—in that fleeting moment when the dawn arrives. In the movie Hook, Tinkerbell tells Peter, “You know that place between sleep and awake, that place where you still remember dreaming? That’s where I’ll always love you. That’s where I’ll be waiting.” Jesus very word to you in the gospel of Peter today. He is waiting. Amen